Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My End-Summer Night's Dream

"Little sister just remember as you wander through the blue ... how the little dreams we dream are all we can really do." - Patty Griffin, Kite Song

When I think back on that closing night, I still kind of want to cry. Something about the loss and the gain of this entire experience, what it gave me and how suddenly it left me, how special it became along the way - pieces of this show will always be little pieces of me. I don't mean to overstate it. I don't want to be too sentimental. It's just that when the right people come together in the right place for the right show at exactly the right time in my life...well, that's a little too rare for me to just throw it away when it's over.

I came into auditions for this show feeling disillusioned, disaffected, and generally dissatisfied with my life. I was insecure and feeling pretty lost. For the first time I could remember, acting was something I did because I have to do it, because my life doesn't make sense without it, not because I particularly liked it (I think I thought I hated it, actually). My passion had become my obligation, and I didn't know what to do about it. I don't want to get too personal here (one could argue that that's what a blog is for, but one could also argue that there was no lunar landing*, so there), so I'll just say that my great 'actor crisis' was only one of my more annoying personal problems at the time.

So it's no coincidence, I think, in the narrative structure of my life, that I made it into a show made up of the most supportive, safe, low-stress, fun group of people I've ever met. The part was phenomenal to play, the director was wonderful to work with, my fellow cast members were a joy (and I don't use that term non-ironically very often). There was just something magical about the entire experience. I wish I could describe it and convey it to you here, but I don't think that's going to work this time. So just let me say that by closing night, I was happier - in terms of life threshold base-line "happy" - than I've been in a long time. I have to thank these people, and this show we all worked so hard to create, for that.

This isn't the first summer I've spent with Shakespeare, and I'm reasonably certain that it won't be my last**. But there will never be another summer like this one, with these wonderful people in this beautiful place. They've given me something to like about Utah - that alone is pretty significant, really. Anyway, at this point I think I'm just repeating myself - I guess I just can't get over it and I thought something needed to be said (and said, and said). So let me just finish it here. Consider this my "goodbye to the show" blog post. Aaaaaaaaand...curtain***.

*Another thing that blogs are good for.
**I'm pretty sure I accidentally sold my soul to Shakespeare somewhere, actually, and now he just occasionally loans me out to other shows.
***Cheesy theatre joke, but it had to be done.

For whatever reason, this song always makes me think of this show, so I'm going to put it here.
Kite - Patty Griffin

Note that the Patty Griffin "Kite Song" is not to be confused with the Rosie Thomas "Kite Song" referenced in the last post. Just so we're clear.