Scents and Sensibility

So I have a bit of a heightened sense of smell, I think to compensate for my somewhat poor eyesight and unreasonably loud voice. I'm very smell-sensitive (or scentsitive! Huh? Huhhh?) in that scents will effect me quite a bit. For example, if someone so much as opens a bag of Red Vines in my near vicinity, I get very sick to my stomach. The smell of rose bushes from twenty feet away will always make me think of home. One whiff of Glacier Bay by Bath and Body Works will make me fall in love. It's pretty intense.

And while I can always tell when dinner's about to be ready and I could most likely find Froot Loops from any distance (just follow your nose!), this obviously carries some downsides as well. For example, there's a particular cologne or something - I know I only smell it on guys - and I don't know exactly what the scent is, but it makes me automatically hate the person who owns it. Like, I actually cannot stand them. It's hard to describe the scent - it's like a horrible mix of cheap musk, thrift store leather, and sweat, with a little hair grease or rotten citrus thrown in there for color. I don't know what this is, but if I ever do I'm going to sue whoever manufactures in it. This odor is so abrasive to me that I will automatically think bad thoughts about whoever wears it and avoid them as much as humanly possible. Don't worry though, friends of mine, I don't currently know anyone who smells this way - because I refuse to know people with this oppressive odor. It's a scent that usually hangs around sleazy-looking computer store guys with moustaches and slicked hair who follow me around the store treating me like an idiot regardless of how many times I tell them I don't need their help (I don't get these guys - it's like they look at me and think, "Look it's a girl! Wearing pink! She obviously doesn't know what she's doing here, plus she's not very bright, plus she totally wants me, so I should just stick close to her and make really patronizing comments. Yeah, then she'll definitely fall for me"). It's not a happy thing. Guys, girls, people, things - never underestimate the power of smell. Oh boy. Especially when it comes to dating. I don't know how it is for women, but when it comes to men I know a sweet-smelling dude with average features automagically becomes at least a point hotter than a really hot dude who smells gross*. Seriously. As for women, I don't care how good of friends we are - if your apartment smells like BO or too much garlic I'm not going to hang out with you. At least, not at home. Sorry.

All that having been said, I now list some of my very favorite olfactory delights (in no particular order):
- Clinique Happy (For Women)
- Glacier Bay by Bath and Body Works (For Men)
- Boss by Hugo Boss (the stuff that smells like vanilla)
- Gap Ohm
- Brownies
- Rose bushes
- Baby powder
- Cut grass
- Wrapping paper
- Chicken pot pie (home made - by my mom)
- Brut aftershave (but only if you're my father)
- Secret Platinum w/ Olay Conditioners - Velvet Powder
- Oranges
- Pears
- Rain
- Popcorn
- Books (Old and New)
- New cars
- New clothes

Some things I probably shouldn't enjoy smelling, but I really really do:
- Gasoline
- Car exhaust
- Chalk dust
- Nail polish
- Dry-erase markers
- Sharpies
- Unlit cigarettes
- Swimming pools/Chlorine

And finally, a couple of scents I just can't stand:
- Red Vines
- Other people's sweat
- Metal
- Milk (even if it's fresh)
- Honey
- Eau de Hate Cologne
- Passionate Kisses by Victoria's Secret
- Cigarette smoke on people's clothing
- Unwashed, unrinsed dishes (particularly whatever someone in my apartment left "soaking" next to the sink for like 12 years)
- Unshowered Male
- Halitosis
- Cooked broccoli
- My refridgerator
- My freezer

Okay, now, I don't know what the point of this blog was. I was about to try and summarize the "main point" or something right here in this last paragraph, but now I realize I didn't really have one. Just know that I'm very scent-oriented, and so if I suddenly stop hanging around you and you just can't figure out why, know that there's a chance that it isn't your abrasive personality alone. It may just be your body odor**.

*Actually, I once put off a breakup for like a week and half just because every time I got near the guy, I'd catch a whiff of his Very Sexy for Him (Victoria's Secret), which he happened to wear just exceptionally well, and then I'd forget why it was I wanted to break up in the first place (if I remembered I wanted to break up at all).
**Because the thing is, how do you tell somebody that they smell weird? I don't think you can.