Signs Your Boyfriend is a Superhero

- He's exceptionally mild-mannered.
- He has a weird affinity for Spandex.
- It's impossible to get a hold of him at night.
- He mentions he was exposed to radiation, toxic waste, mutated animals, or sundry other scientific experiments, but for some reason he doesn't look seriously ill.
- You seem to get kidnapped by evil masterminds an awful lot lately and no one can explain why.
- Every time something catastrophic happens when you're out together (which is surprisingly often, come to think of it), he ditches you until it's over. You keep dating him anyway.
- You're attracted to a superhero because he's wild and dangerous and mysterious, which your boyfriend definitely is not. The two do have roughly the same build, however.
- He always knows the location of the nearest phone booth, which is weird because you both have cell phones.
- You know an abnormal amount of people who are in comas.
- He's actually supporting himself solely as a freelance photographer or journalist, even though you rarely see him do any work. Also, all of his stories or photos feature the same superhero, despite the fact that the two have never been seen in the same room together. Alternatively, he's a millionaire who also never seems to do any actual work, ever.
- When you badmouth superheros, he takes it REALLY personally for some reason.
- He's moody, evasive, emotionally unavailable, constantly tired, unreliable, angsty, cowardly, and you are almost certainly way out of his league, but for some reason you just keep dating him.

I hope you took note of this; I feel it's important for any woman living in a large, crime-ridden city (like Provo) to be aware of the signs.