All My Good News

Wow, so I haven't updated this in a while. And while I don't really have a riveting new post ready yet (there are some coming soon, I promise!), I just can't let that unexciting "Blog Tagged" business be the first thing people see when they accidentally click over to this blog on their way to something far more interesting. So until I can get my act together and actually write something cool, here's a list of some of the things that I'm really, really happy about right at the moment:

My job is awesome. Yesterday they called me in early so I could get ice cream in honor of a co-worker's last day. It was awesome. And I think I'm getting a raise. Yay!

My room is clean! This is pretty big news for me.

I created a sweet music mix. And then got it to actually burn onto a CD, after many many battles with my computer's disgruntled CD drive. Ever wonder what happens when you put The Paperbacks next to Fountains of Wayne close to Bright Eyes with The Beatles and some Amos Lee mixed in? Magic, that's what happens. Magic.

Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers. We're talking classic adventure gaming of a particularly brilliant and challenging variety, with lots of fun characters and a creepy voodoo twist. The voice acting is pretty great, too - Tim Curry's weird New Orleans accent is, if not exactly impressive, consistently entertaining. And I gave myself bonus points for recognizing Leah Remini as the voice of Gabriel's wisecracking assistant, Grace. Finding yet another way to use up hours of my time without accomplishing anything important...now THAT is something to celebrate.

I had the best Memorial Day weekend ever. I spent the weekend up in SLC* with one of my favorite people in the whole entire world. I choose to use sub-points to explain this one, since trying to give a sample of the awesome things about the experience led to a sentence too long and messy-looking even for me.

• We hiked Grandeur Peak. Which, as it turns out, really is pretty grand.
• I finally saw Ice Age. Now I know what everyone's been quoting around here!
• I met some of the nicest girls ever, such as the girl who walked me to Gospel Doctrine class on Sunday and then stood around with me waiting for my friends to show up, even though she didn't know me and was planning to attend a class on a different floor. It was like something straight out of a Relief Society conference talk.
• I got to play with an adorable almost-grown-up black lab.
• We watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (cheesy acting! Fake accents! Alan Rickman! Hurray!), belted out some Bryan Adams, and then I got to actually sit and watch Girls Just Wanna Have Fun for the first time (SJP** + Helen Hunt + Dance TV = Awesome). The other awesome girls I met during this experience just made it that much better (they were super funny, plus we resurrected the "to french" verb, as in, "We totally frenched outside his car last night". Can't wait until that one hits my word-a-day widget).
  
• I didn't have to sleep at home, which made it feel like a vacation even though I was only 40 miles away.
• There was definitely some HOT sequin-clad dancing to be seen. Now if only I'd taken a picture!
• I finally, finally saw Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration up at Temple Square. Not that I got much out of it in between spotting Tim Threlfall, thinking about all the writing and production drama I'd heard about it, and wondering if anyone else noticed that Matt Bellows plays two different characters. Oh well.
• Even though it rained, my hair still looked good thanks to the (mildly) cute black hat that I picked up at the mall last week.
• Apparently I give really good hugs. Score!

I'm going to see Indiana Jones in, like, an hour. And I'm pretty excited about it too, despite everything I've heard. The big news, really, is that I'm actually going to go see a movie in the theater. With people. I haven't done that in quite some time, as evidenced by the litany of "I haven't seen that"s that I uttered over the weekend.

Well, that's all the big stuff right at the moment. And now, in preparation for the fulfillment of my last bit of good news up there, I'm going to get off this computer and quit blogging for a bit. Which is good news for everyone, really.

*That's Salt Lake City, if you're not cool enough to use initials for everything.
**Sarah Jessica Parker. Come on people, get with it!

Alas! Tagged!

1. What book have you read recently?
Still in the middle of Anna Karenina. I come back to it whenever I'm between books. That and The Last Unicorn are my go-to books for when I just want to be reading but I don't know what. Next up I'll probably read Persuasion. Haven't decided yet.

2. Given the chance, what special ability/power would you like to have?
Shape-shifting. Think of the mischief!

3. List two things you have eaten today:
Popcorn
Honey Bunches of Oats

4. What's your favorite color? Why?
Pink. It's cute and fun and pretty and kind of controversial, I guess. I don't know, I just like it!

5. Where is the place you want to go the most?
Hm...back to London. Or someplace where I'm on-camera and the writing is exceptional.

6. Name two places you have lived:
1. McMinnville(ish), Oregon
2. Provo, Utah

7. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
No, that thing doesn't even exist. It's just a big, multicolored fantasy.

8. What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Absolutely nothing. It'd be awesome.
Except maybe I'd put all the money in a big vault and swim in it like Scrooge McDuck.

9. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Closed-minded people. Also, genocidal maniacs.

10. What are two things on your to do list right now?
1. Organize finances
2. Actually write my screenplay. Yeesh.

11. If you have a fault, would you rather the people around you point it out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Wow, that's a pretty big "if". I mean, I'm going to have to get entirely out of my own experience here. Now, if I could possibly IMAGINE having a fault...I guess I much prefer to have other people be honest with me. The worst thing in the world is suspecting that someone is not telling you something, even when it's to make me feel better. I mean, that never actually happens to me, but if it did, that would suck. Right?

12. List two jobs you have had:
1. HVAC Maintenance worker for BYU
2. Human Resources slave (well, paid slave...who chose to be there...and could leave anytime she wanted...) for Kaiser Permanente

13. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Money. Or puppies.

14. Is there anything that you have done which you regret?
It's cliche, but I really do tend to regret the things I didn't do more. Like when I didn't work harder to get what I wanted, or when I didn't say what I wanted because I was scared, that kind of thing.

15. Name two of your bad habits:
1. Skipping classes at will
2. Chewing on things - pens, fingernails, that kind of thing

16. What are your feelings about the person who tagged you?
I have a great amount of love for Janae. Plus I had this really weird dream about her last week where she had this really crazy blonde, blonde hair, and that's just got to mean something good.

17. Who do you Tag? Why?
I tag...you. So if you read this, and you haven't done it, then consider yourself tagged. Why do I do this? Because it's a good cop-out since I don't really feel like thinking of anyone who hasn't been tagged yet. But seriously, do it!

Changing...it keeps changing...

"Changes come and we know we can't, we can't stop them. But I hold these memories and I will never drop them." - Brett Dennen, 'When I Go'

Yesterday as I held in my hands the Install CD for the scriptwriting software that was to change my life forever (more on that later), it occurred to me that life now is already rather different from what it was just two weeks ago. The College Years* are crazy that way - it seems like everything changes in a second, over and over again. OK, that makes it sound like something especially significant has happened, when in fact, these are all the highlights:

I cut my hair
And it's a very significant change. Like, it went from past the shoulders to above the chin. Which I know is a very small area of the body, comparatively, but it makes a world of difference in how people look at you. Not only that, but I let some girl at a hair school do it. Being as I'm a bit of a control freak, this was a pretty major adventure for me. The stylist was great, though the end result looks nothing like what I came in planning on getting. This was a little hard to deal with at first (see two sentences ago), but now I'm loving it. And hey, here's some before and after photos. Note that in the before, I have patchy remnants of show makeup on my face, and in the after, I am in serious danger of going emo. And I'm sitting in a closet for some reason. Anyway, just remember these pictures are about the hair, people.








See? It's like looking at two completely different people with the exact same face and body!

I started Spring Term classes
But have I actually attended my Physical Science lecture? Um...let's just say not yet.

I wrote 60 pages in one night
See, it suddenly occurred to me last Wednesday that the submission deadline for WDA scripts was...last Thursday. So I stayed up pretty much all night, wrote for about 8 hours straight, and managed to turn a 28-page idea into an 88-page finished draft (which admittedly was 18 pages shorter than my projected length estimate), and yeah, maybe the second act is not fantastic, but the experience itself was remarkably satisfying and hey, at least it's done. And submitted. And now I just have eons of rewrites to go, which is the part I complain about the most even though secretly I find it very enjoyable.

Final Draft! Final Draft 7 Academic! Woohoo!
What is this Final Draft of which I speak? Only the most glorious scriptwriting program ever invented! It arrived yesterday, and I found it sitting in a FedEx box, propped against my bedroom door (thanks, roommate, for bringing it in). After the considerable coaxing it took for my computer to actually run the install CD, I got it going and started to play. And oh. Oh people. It's incredible. And so fun. And convenient. And I love using it. Seriously, I haven't been this turned on by a computer program since...well, let's be honest, computer programs don't turn me on. That would be kind of creepy. But I love it so much. And I just want to be writing scripts all the time, but then I realize I don't have anything to write because I haven't gotten through all the prewriting stuff yet and that's just plain annoying. But in the meantime I've been playing around with short screenplays and let me tell you, it is fun. I'll be trying out the stageplay formats later today. You cannot fathom the ridiculous joy this brings me.
In related news, I'm about to get to work on my first ever full-length screenplay (or screenplays, since I'm grappling with two ideas at the moment). When I'm not feeling like a sellout, I'm just real excited about it. I'll definitely let you know how it goes.

I started watching 30 Rock
And by "started watching" I mean watched every episode of both seasons of the show between now and two weeks ago. People, this show is downright brilliant. You can catch the first season online if you have Netflix (or you can just find someone who has it on DVD), and the current season is all available on NBC.com. Please watch it. Also, I now want to be Tina Fey when I grow up.

I overdrafted my checking account
Oops.

Then I got paid
And now it's all good. Right? Oh boy. Next up on my list of skills to acquire - financial responsibility.

I figured out that I'm kind of good with kids
Like, kids other than my nephews. Who knew?

I started listening to Brett Dennen
Listen to him right now. Please. Here's one to get you started.**
And those are just the random things from the past two weeks that occurred to me right now. Let me tell you, it's been a very significant fortnight. I feel like a completely different person. I look like a different person. I'm loving to write again, I'm loving to do my hair in the morning, I'm actually getting to know people in my ward...it's a very good place to be in.

On a completely unrelated note, I am thisclose to writing and posting a rant/critique about some sex talks I've gotten from parents and church teachers and how I feel they fit into the development of a rape culture (don't believe we live in a rape culture? I can point it out to you). Not totally sure if it's a good idea in light of a recent discussion on Feministe about posting certain things under your real name. Of course, most of them were talking about people discussing their own (often controversial) experiences rather than just writing opinions, and I'm almost certainly being paranoid, but it's enough to give a person pause.

*The real ones as well as those featured on Saved By the Bell.
**Seriously, join imeem. Now THAT will change your life.

Right now I am thinking...

What on EARTH am I doing in the library? This is going to completely ruin my reputation.

Update Your Profile, Update Your Life

So today I changed all my profile information here on Blogger. Well, actually I decided I hated my old Google account name and wanted a new Gmail address, so I got one, added myself as a team contributor to this blog, and then treacherously back-stabbed my old email out and declared my new account the sole author. I know I was only betraying myself, but there was still an odd, Stalinesque rush to it.

Anyway, this required me to fill out an all-new profile for myself. Now, you'd think this would be easy for me, what with so much practice from MySpace, Facebook, and imeem (though I'll admit that last one has almost no personal information on it whatsoever), but it really wasn't. I'm sitting here looking at this page, and it's asking me all of these probing questions like "Favorite Music?" and I just froze. So what did I do? Looked up my Facebook profile, of course! Surely my Facebook life is the truest representation of me, right? Well, it turns out I don't even like half that stuff anymore! Justin Timberlake? Sevigny? Great people, but favorite music? I'm not so sure. The MySpace is even worse - I haven't listened to Peter Eldridge for, like, a year (again, he's great, but how can he be a favorite if I don't listen at least once a month?). So for this latest profile, I have endeavored to look inside myself and actually only write down people and things that I'd actually consider favorites, and let me tell you, it was not easy to do. So when I say The Last Unicorn is one of my favorite books, I mean that I routinely reread and even quote from it. Likewise, when I say I'm interested in Free Stuff, I mean I'm really interested in Free Stuff. So I hope you all don't go taking this for granted. I haven't taken such an honest assessment of myself since I wrote my Identity Book in 7th Grade. Wow.

Also, this made me laugh, so I thought I'd share. It comes from xkcd. Click to enlarge and all that jazz.

Signs Your Boyfriend is a Superhero

- He's exceptionally mild-mannered.
- He has a weird affinity for Spandex.
- It's impossible to get a hold of him at night.
- He mentions he was exposed to radiation, toxic waste, mutated animals, or sundry other scientific experiments, but for some reason he doesn't look seriously ill.
- You seem to get kidnapped by evil masterminds an awful lot lately and no one can explain why.
- Every time something catastrophic happens when you're out together (which is surprisingly often, come to think of it), he ditches you until it's over. You keep dating him anyway.
- You're attracted to a superhero because he's wild and dangerous and mysterious, which your boyfriend definitely is not. The two do have roughly the same build, however.
- He always knows the location of the nearest phone booth, which is weird because you both have cell phones.
- You know an abnormal amount of people who are in comas.
- He's actually supporting himself solely as a freelance photographer or journalist, even though you rarely see him do any work. Also, all of his stories or photos feature the same superhero, despite the fact that the two have never been seen in the same room together. Alternatively, he's a millionaire who also never seems to do any actual work, ever.
- When you badmouth superheros, he takes it REALLY personally for some reason.
- He's moody, evasive, emotionally unavailable, constantly tired, unreliable, angsty, cowardly, and you are almost certainly way out of his league, but for some reason you just keep dating him.

I hope you took note of this; I feel it's important for any woman living in a large, crime-ridden city (like Provo) to be aware of the signs.

Cool Points Report - 3/4/8

In order to keep everyone up to date on my opinions, I am establishing a Coolness Report to tell you where people are on the current Coolness Scale. This way you can know who is cool, who isn't, and exactly what you should think and believe. As this is based on a point system, obviously you should like people who are gaining in points, and you should dislike people who are losing points. Ready? Here we go...

The Following People Have Recently LOST Cool Points:

Gary Hubbell and "The Angry White Man"
...At least as described in the Aspen Times News last month. And I quote:

"'Press "one" for English' is a curse-word to him."
"[The] thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him."
"Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves..."
"He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner."

And it goes on. Oh, it goes on. Basically if you just go through this article and replace "Angry White Man" with "Massive Tool" everywhere you find it, you'll have an inkling of what I think about Mr. Hubbell's opinion. In fact, Hillary Clinton actually gained some Cool Points just because "the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton," which is about the only reason she hasn't hit the lower depths of the Coolness Scale lately (seriously lady, can we just chill?). And I'm sorry, but if you identify with more than about 30% of this article, then you're probably a bit of tool, too.

The US Mint
What's with turning the Sacajawea dollar coin into the James Madison dollar coin? I know he was instrumental to the writing of the Constitution and all (I mean, I've seen A More Perfect Union), but come on. It was so cool having a coin that didn't feature an upper-class white guy, even if it was a coin that nobody really uses.

Charlotte Allen and The Washington Post

"The theory that women are the dumber sex...is amply supported by neurological and standardized-testing evidence....So I don't understand why more women don't relax, [and] enjoy the innate abilities most of us possess...Then we could shriek and swoon and gossip and read chick lit to our hearts' content and not mind the fact that way down deep, we are . . . kind of dim."

Yeah...I know the Washington Post people said the article was supposed to be "tongue-in-cheek" (in which case she just doesn't know what she's doing if you ask me), but I somehow doubt it based on all that I've heard about Ms. Allen. Then again, I'm more emotional than rational, and also kind of dim. (Read the article if you feel like being annoyed today. And then read Katha Pollit's response and feel a little better about life.)

My Sociology 112 Midterm
That was NOT the grade I wanted.

Meanwhile, These People Have Gotten Significantly Cooler:

Daniel Day-Lewis
Watch There Will Be Blood. That's all I have to say.






Mary Doria Russell
The Sparrow was about the best thing I've read this year.

The WGA
A few points gained for going on strike. Many, many more for not being on strike anymore.

Emma Thompson
Here's the story: gorgeous British actress Hayley Atwell was asked by the producers at Miramax to lose weight for her role in Brideshead Revisited. Emma Thompson, who also appears in the film, heard about Atwell's predicament one night over dinner, and the next day she called the producers and threatened to quit the film if they didn't let Atwell off the hook. Emma Thompson is so cool, and so powerful, and so Oscar-winning, that the Miramax guys quickly shut up, and now when the film comes out we can see Hayley Atwell in all her gorgeous, non-sickly-looking* glory. Emma also apparently calls up Kate Winslet every now and then to ask if she's eating "proper desserts." I love it. You know how I said before that I might want to be her when I grow up? Well now I definitely do. (This story was originally reported by People.)

Stephen Sondheim
He hasn't actually done anything lately to warrant a sudden rise in Coolness, at least not that I'm aware of, but we were just assigned scenes from Sunday in the Park with George in my Musical Scene Study class and it reminded me of how much I LOVE THIS MAN's work. Sondheim is so cool that Tim Threlfall gets cooler just for assigning his stuff to us in class. And since I've lately become addicted to imeem, you can now find my paltry 5-song Sondheim playlist there. Yay!

In Summary...
British actresses are cool; angry white guys are not. Hm...what else is new?

*You want sickly-looking? Check out Renee Zellwegger lately. Remember when she used to actually, you know, have a body? Here's a comparison care of the Daily Mail.

Google Ruins My Life...Again

"So put on those clothes you never grew into and smile like you mean it for once. If you come back, bring a new name for everything." - The Weakerthans, 'A New Name For Everything'

So today while I was procrastinating some much-needed work I decided to see if I could find myself on Google (I thought about trying to find myself in the faces of the ones I love, but Google seemed quicker). So I cruised over to the website, typed in my name, put quotes around it, and then hit "Google Search". I was SHOCKED by what I found - there have got to be a bajillion Julie Saunderses out there! And not only that, but they're all actors, writers, singers, and/or artists! Now, on the one hand it's nice to know that my name is somehow predestined for artistic expression. But on the other hand, this certainly doesn't help one to feel like a particularly unique, original person.

Now, I did find myself on Google - on the second page, and it was just my imeem profile - but with so many other Julie Saunderses out there competing to be me, who's going to notice? And since everyone forgets my name anyway, I've decided that maybe it's time for a change.

Changing your name seems major, but it's not really that big of a deal. Why, all of these people did it - and we only know because they're celebrities! Who knows how many people do this all the time? The problem, of course, is deciding what one's new name ought to be. There are a billion names out there and it's always hard to say which will fit me best. Luckily I get renamed a lot by people, so that at least gives me someplace to start. Let's see, in recent memory I have been mistakenly called
- Lauren
- Jessica
- Megan
- Sarah
- Emily
Lauren is by far the most common name mistake people make, but I already know a way cool girl named Lauren and taking her name would be just plain weird. I don't think the others actually fit at all, though I did once spend an entire semester with some of my friends calling me Sarah at least as often as they called me Julie. That was weird. And I already have a name tag clipped to my backpack that says Kate (gift from a little girl at a King Lear performance), so it wouldn't be too far a stretch to start going by that.

Here are some other names I like: Keely, Emory, Ayden, Aideen, Aurelia...none of them seem to fit. Though I did search for "Keely Saunders" on Google and came up with only 9 responses, and all of them fairly uninteresting except for the one who was a tennis player or something.

Of course, Julie isn't my real name anyway. It's actually Julienne. This is a little-known fact about me, since there are only about 3 people in the world who ever call me Julienne (not even my parents call me Julienne, and they gave me the name!). So I guess I could start going by Julienne Saunders. There are no matches for that on Google! Of course, then I'd have to go by Julienne Saunders. That's not good.

Maybe the answer's not my first name, come to think of it. Maybe my last name should change. I once dreamed up Julie Carroway for myself, which yields only one result and that's just the person's first name followed by where she's from as far as I can tell. There are 29 Julie Carraways and 66 responses to Julie Caraway on my old friend Google. And none of them appear to be encroaching on my identity in any way. Yeah, I could definitely enjoy being known as Julie Carroway. Or there's always my old "stage name" from 7th grade, Zichi Calhoun. Now there's a winner - you won't find one anywhere! And it wouldn't be that much weirder than Diablo Cody, whose name used to be Brook Busey of all things.

The problem, of course, is that I rather like being Julie Saunders. It's got a nice ring to it. People know it already. It's on all my things. And I have a really cool signature worked out for it. Hm. Well, what do you think - go for something new or find a moral justification for killing off 12,599 people named Julie Saunders? It's a difficult problem, to be sure.

It's a Sunshine Day

"And even if time ain't really on my side / It's one of those days for taking a walk outside. / I'm blowing the day to take a walk in the sun / And fall on my face on somebody's new-mowed lawn." - Lovin' Spoonful, 'Daydream'

Today - get this, you won't believe it - today I woke up and the sun was actually shining. Like, you could see it, in the sky. It was amazing. I hadn't seen a sight like that since my week in LA earlier this month, and oh, I'd been missing it so! So when I peered out my window this morning and saw that gorgeous, gaseous orb smiling luminously back at me, I just knew it would be a wonderful day. I put on my favorite swingy, frivolous skirt that my mom said I would never wear (ha! Showed her!), a pair of navy leggings to appease the slight chill in the air, and went sockless all day. It was fabulous. And a lot of great things happened - my class went well, I don't have to move until I graduate in December, and a package from home arrived with a late birthday present and boxes of couscous, sweetener, and sugar-free chocolate. But the best part - my favorite part of the day - was when I went for a walk. Outside.

Going on a long walk outside is one of my absolute favorite things to do. You get to see things, experience nature, clear your head, tackle problems, and sometimes meet new people who then invite you to dinner at Village Inn. And you can also learn a lot of new things on a walk. Allow me to share a few of today's lessons with you...

Just because you're welcome sometimes doesn't mean you're welcome all the time. Like between 10:00 PM and 7:00 AM. People like to sleep during those times, not think about you and your presumptuously parked car.


Pay attention before people go to drastic measures such as painting arrows toward their problems in order to get you to look at them. This sidewalk is completely broken, but did anyone care? Obviously not, or it wouldn't feel the need to draw attention to itself in such an outlandish fashion. And now you know this is going to create one of those vicious cycles where it thinks it just have to go further and further in order to get anyone to validate its existence. It's just sad when good walkways go bad.

Celebrate Christmas all year round. And be open about it - it helps other people keep the spirit alive too. After seeing this, for example, I feel much less like a freak for having songs from Christmas with Dino stuck in my head all day.


Hydration is good for everyone. Even nature thinks so! Alternatively, this picture teaches us that if we don't use our technology, the Earth is bound to reclaim it. So get out that iPod or lose it, son.


Even trees like to show off their booties. Yeah baby! Shake that thang!*










Indoor appliances can belong outside. In other words, think outside the box. Or the kitchen.






What you can't swing from, you can always climb up on. I don't know precisely how that relates to my life, but it sure does seem significant.

So all you out there in internet-land, the next time you're faced with a nice, sunshiny day, rather than shrinking in fear from the great fiery ball in the sky go out there and see what, if anything, it has to show you. After all, the sun isn't just about UV rays and premature aging - it's got a lot of life lessons to share, too.

*Note to self: Never, ever say "thang" again.

A Lame Post

As it turns out, choosing the right template for your blog is one of the world's most difficult things to do. It's right up there with climbing Mount Everest and learning all the lyrics to "It's Tricky". Or preparing two scenes and monologue for competition next week (in LA! Woohoo!) while also getting off-book for two shows, all while not really sleeping at night. But like those things, it is also possible - and sometimes it's just something one does because one must (or in the case of Everest, because it's there).

Let me know what you think of this one (the layout, not the lame post).

I Still Love You, WGA.

I just discovered the Speechless campaign, which is basically an ongoing series of videos meant to demonstrate SAG's solidarity with the WGA. As of right now there are about 30 videos in total, and I love them all. I've chosen to repost a few of my favorites here - behold!*

As I said, there are many others and they're all wonderful, so I strongly suggest that you watch them all. If you want to know more about the WGA strike, you can start with the website for the Writers Guild of America, West. Or I guess you can just look it up on Wikipedia (I hear their article's actually pretty good).

*And by that I mean, "Please watch them!"
Special thanks to my sometime hero and all-the-time MySpace friend, Zach Braff, for directing me to these lovely videos.

A New Layout For a New Year

In case you didn't notice, it's a new year! Incurable optimist that I am (they've got researchers working round the clock to fix me, don't you worry), I've every hope this year will be miles better than the last. I've got a light semester ahead of me, lots of wonderful performance opportunities to look forward to, and a general feeling of tangy lightness that I interpret as a favorable premonition for the future. In lieu of New Year's Resolutions (I made some New School Year's Resolutions back in September, if you remember, which somehow led to my bleaching out my hair), I'm in the midst of a lifestyle makeover. So far the results are fabulous. I'll try for a better update when it's not 2 AM. In the meantime, here are three New Year's Firsts:

First Meal of 2008
Sugar-free ice cream & peanut butter. Also popcorn.

First Buyer's Remorse of 2008










Inexplicable really, considering it's rather adorable and I bought it with a gift card. If you're wondering, it's from Forever 21.

First Movie of 2008


















Which I found quite delightful, really.

In other news, a comment I made on Glamocracy, a political blog hosted by Glamour.com (I know, I know), was cited as one of the "Comments of the Week" this week. I know they only get, like, 10 comments per week, but all the same I'm weirdly proud of myself. Funny how even attention from people I do not and will never know makes me feel important. Then again, just about everything makes me feel important.

Happy New Year everyone!

Now, I could be delirious from lack of sleep, but...

When I grow up, I want to be Zach Braff. The man is 32, a college graduate, a successful (and critically acclaimed) director and writer, and a fabulous actor capable of both hilarious comedy AND heart-wrenching whatever. Plus he has probably the best taste in music I've ever seen. Much of this evening has been spent chilling to William Fitzsimmons and Ingrid Michaelson, both recommended by Braff on his website. All that, and he's got those quirky good looks, which I think are a reasonable translation of the unconventional beauty to which I've lately decided I aspire.* How amazing to have accomplished so much without even going through a midlife crisis!

After I'm done being Zach Braff, I'd like to become Cate Blanchett. It's impossible for me to overstate how positively mesmerizing that woman is. And possibly Emma Thompson as well. At any rate, I should be either British or Australian by the time I'm 40 (I know Blanchett is only 38 but I'm trying to be realistic here). It might be nice to be Kate Winslet and do movies like Finding Neverland and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and not even have to starve yourself for your career, but I'm not totally sold on the idea yet. I could moonlight as Kevin Spacey and run the Old Vic in London in between brilliant, empathetic movie roles (I'd secretly be really good at impersonations, too - look it up on YouTube). I'd definitely like to spend many years as Cate Blanchett, though. Then I could finally move on to become Meryl Streep for a bit, with the option of finally ending up as Peter O'Toole and/or Vanessa Redgrave, should I choose it (hard to say; though still in excellent spirits, O'Toole tends to look like he's not totally sure where he's at these days).

How could I almost forget! Of course, given the option, I must be Sam Shepard for at least a little while. The man is a Pulitzer prize winning playwright, an Oscar nominated actor, and he was a drummer in the 60's. He's won 11 Obie Awards, been nominated for two Tonys, and he went on tour with Bob Dylan for Pete's sake!** The man knew Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac! And he's been called "the thinking woman's sex symbol", which is pretty neat (do thinking men have a sex symbol, or does Jessica Alba just work for everyone?). I'd probably only depart from his very masculine writing style (fabulous reading, but I don't think we need much more man-centered art in the world) and possibly some of the more unsavory characteristics I've heard ascribed to him. Other than that, I'd happily become him. Though I'd probably better hurry up - he began his career at 19, so I'm already two years behind.

I would love to be all of these people, flowing seamlessly from one to the next, taking experiences and attributes from each and combining them altogether. Maybe I should change my name to Julie Braff-Blanchett-Spacey-Streep-O'Toole-Redgrave-Shepard. Or I suppose I could just be the first ever Me instead of the next anybody, and then someday other college seniors could procrastinate their studying for finals writing about how they want to be me when they grow up. Awwwww.

*"...Unconventionally beautiful. They are the best kind of girls, I think." - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
**Well actually, I think he went for his own sake; Pete probably had very little do with his decision-making process.

---

Bonus! Here are the lyrics to some songs I've been finding positively amazing lately:
When I Was A Boy, by Dar Williams
All Available Light, by The Paperbacks
Landlocked Blues, by Bright Eyes (fair warning: mild content issues)
The Devil Drives, by Murder by Death
Bigfoot!, by The Weakerthans

The Meaning of Life

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - Anonymous

Moments that take your breath away:

• Strangulation
• Drowning
• Being punched in the diaphragm
• Getting sucked into outer space
• S.C.U.B.A. diving with empty oxygen tanks
• Someone hitting your trachea
• Asphyxiation
• Asthma attacks
• Death

Just something to think about.

The Best of All Possible News

Finished, completed, accomplished, achieved, done with, ceased, closed, compassed, concluded, consummated, culminated, dispatched, effected, effectuated, ended, entire, executed, finalized, fulfilled, over, realized, resolved, satisfied, settled, stopped, terminated, through, worked out, wrapped up, finis. My rewrites are DONE. That's right, folks. There's been a miracle, a mighty miracle of great marvel and wonder, and that miracle is the completion of this ridiculous children's play. I am on cloud 9 (the best of all the clouds, I'm told). I'm over the moon. I'm the stars in your eyes and the...no, wait. Now I'm getting confused.

This has been the longest, most difficult process for some reason, and now I just feel this weight lifting off my shoulders as I finally leave all the angst behind. The play has officially entered its "tweaking" or "polishing" phase, meaning that from here I only need to run through and reword it. I haven't brought myself to do this just yet, but it won't take long when I get to it. I'm excited! At last I feel free to pursue other projects (beyond just jotting lines in my little notebook). Scratch that; at last I feel just plain free!

It's been nearly two full years since I first laid on a couch in Oregon, coughing incessantly and dangerously sleep-deprived, and imagined Harriet and Arlo like creatures from a waking dream. Their story has become about 12 full drafts and some 3 or 4 completely different plays (or so it seems to look at them), but I've finally settled on the one that could actually be produced. I've learned a lot in that time and I've actually had a lot of fun writing them, but as the Wood Brothers sing, "'S good to see you, but I'll be glad to see you go."

And just in time for finals, too.

Best Snack Foods For Rewrites

- Chocolate
- Sugar-Free Chocolate
- Chocolate-Flavored Granola Bars
- Chocolate Chex
- Hot Chocolate
- Mexican Hot Chocolate (Hot Chocolate w/ Cinnamon)
- Chocolate Milk
- Chocolate Soymilk
- Popcorn

A Break From Writing...Which I Spend Writing

Why are there no decent coffee shops here? All I wanted tonight was a reasonably funky-looking joint with a cool atmosphere where I wouldn't have to navigate through 25,681 pseudo-intellectuals with $200 emo-wannabe haircuts clutching their Grande Non-Fat Half-Caff Iced Mochaccinos With No Foam, A Shot Of Espresso, A Twist Of Lemon, And Dressing On The Side, Please. Apparently, such a place simply does not exist! And what's a girl got to do to find a good Sugar-Free White Chocolate Steamer in this town, anyway? You'd think a place with this many Mormons would be capitalizing on the non-caffeinated market and offer you more than just hot chocolate or - ooooooh - peppermint hot chocolate (but only for the holiday season). But no. I settled for the Barnes & Noble Cafe because at least their hot chocolate is made with Godiva chocolate, and if I'm going to drink something too sugary, it might as well be made with the good stuff. I sat down and, coffee shop (sort of) found, I pulled out my laptop and began to work.

First I wrote an overdue online post for my English class about The Role of Writing in Preserving the Arts and Humanities. I didn't post it, since I didn't feel like paying for internet for a two-second discussion post, but at least I saved it and got it done. Then I pulled out the last draft of my play and re-read it, taking care to connect with the tone and pillage nice-sounding lines at will. I have NO idea why I hadn't thought to do this before. And then, tired of being stared at by some older dude who also had a laptop and maybe thought because of this that we were kindred spirits, I actually relocated to the library. For the first time in my life, I actually stayed until the library closed. I've more or less been working on rewrites and nothing but rewrites for the past 6 hours, and I must say I'm very happy about that. You would not believe how the script is improving! I can hardly believe it myself. It's really quite liberating.

It's times like these when I remember that I actually do enjoy writing - the process of writing, not just the finished product. In fact, I think I enjoy the process better than the finished product. Maybe that's why I get so angsty when I feel like my process is blocked, as it has been for the past, oh, year. But now, oh! I wasn't sure about this when I decided to really get back into it, because for some reason I thought it wasn't good that I "lose" hours and hours when I'm really writing. A six-hour writing binge (or would it be a writing purge?) is not all that uncommon for me when I'm really working on something. And I think I was afraid of something I can't define. But I was sitting in my Doctrine & Covenants class on Monday, thinking about my future and next Summer, and I swear it just popped into my mind that I needed to write. Now. And now that I have my power cord back and I'm not in complete shock over my dad's health issues, I understand that that was a very wise impression I had. I'm happy about it.

Quick update on last post: they discovered today that most of my dad's intense symptoms were in fact caused by a virus inhabiting the tissue around his heart (who knew you could even get those?) - or rather, that he did have a minor heart attack and some issues causing it, but that the virus was intensifying them. Which alerted them to the heart problems, allowing him to get a needed angioplasty before any major damage was done. One of those "blessing in disguise" situations. So he went home from the hospital yesterday, very tired but well on the road to recovery. He should spend the next week or so sleeping and doing puzzles, and then he'll slowly return to normal. Hurray!

And now, the day-dawn has risen and it's back to work!

A Day That Will Live In Oddity

My father had a heart attack this morning. My mother rushed him to the hospital because he was having severe chest pains (for the second time in less than 12 hours - the first time it was ruled most likely nothing to worry about). The doctors checked things out and decided to give him an angioplasty, which is less invasive than other, scarier heart-related procedures, and now he'll be hanging out at the hospital for the next few days. They say he should be completely back to normal in about one month to six weeks.

The weird thing about this though is how it really wasn't a big deal to me until, like, 10 minutes ago. My mom explained everything to me this afternoon in this kind of breezy, matter-of-fact way, casually mentioning letters grouped in 3 like EKG and ICU, and I guess she just made it sound like something so everyday that I didn't treat it like anything that far out of the ordinary.* It occurred to me to send him a Get Well card, mostly because I had one hanging around (a little while ago a good friend broke his leg and when I bought his card I found this other one I thought was too cute to pass up), so I got my sister and brother-in-law to sign it and I wrote a sarcastic message I hoped would make him laugh**. We drew some pictures to go along with it (a broccoli labeled "your best friend" and a tub of lard labeled "hates you") and I sent it off. My sister was so normal about the whole thing, too. It was like, "A get well card - oh, that's nice." Sometimes I don't know if my family really knows how to freak out. I'm not sure if I want them to learn.

So I was going about my day as if nothing strange had happened at all, and then suddenly it's 10 minutes ago and I'm alone in my room and I'm listening to Cat Stevens' "Father and Son" and I look over at this funny note I got from my dad with the package that arrived today and maybe I'm just a sucker for a moment, but I think it hit me. But it's strange. I never feel the easy way that people describe other people feeling at these kinds of times. Not sad or scared or anything, just...significantly weirded out. I mean, it's not that I thought he was invincible, though I think in a way fathers are always invincible, but certainly he was unstoppable. And now he's in a hospital room, which is wildly different from a hotel room, and what is the world coming to? And I realized I'm not going to be able to get any rewrites done tonight. The play is so inextricably linked to my father, though not in the obvious ways most people will think it is, and I just don't know how to rewrite when he's not what I wrote right now. Does that make sense? There's a certain helplessness to that, because the rewrites have been expected for so long, and I didn't get anything done over Thanksgiving break, and I didn't get anything done when I got back to Provo because I left my computer's power cord in Oregon and there's my whole life on this thing (I got the cord back in the package today). And now I just don't know if I'll ever get this damn thing done.*** Certainly not in time for it to be staged in February as planned, unless I have some sudden flash of genius. I just hate that.

I came to this realization, and I stumbled blindly onto MySpace, where I found I'd been contacted by some boys I thought I'd never even think about again. These "Hey, remember me?" messages just sitting there. And when all the rest of your world is a little off-kilter, something like that seems absolutely bizarre. Instead of, "Oh, him! I remember him!" I'm thinking, "Is the whole WORLD not what I thought it was?!?" I wandered into the living room to get my bearings (my bedroom is far too chaotic for sense-making), looked into a mirror, and realized my nose was bleeding. I believe that was the point at which I began swearing aloud. Luckily no one heard (don't you judge me, Provo!). It's just that it's all coming at the end of such a strange day, what with my laptop being dead right when I needed it (I had to actually call two stage managers because I couldn't get to my email - and I hate calling people!), and then we really had the single strangest performance of King Lear to date today. I was crying onstage, then laughing so hard I couldn't move backstage, then everyone was just off and doing these weird things they'd never done with their characters before, and at one point I honestly thought the backdrop was going to fall on my head... I can't begin to explain the strangeness of the day. I just finished all my sugar-free chocolate and I still don't feel like life is normal again.

It's times like these when finishing my homework seems just unfathomable. But I guess that's life. A girl from my old playwriting class once said, "You still have to pay the bills the day your mom dies." That's one of my favorite things I've heard.

---

*Lots of people think I get my acting talents from my dad, because he's loud like me and likes to perform. But judging from the way my mother calmly ended our phone conversation during my dad's first problems last night, most of it's got to be coming from her. Mom: "Oh, hey, I'm sorry but your father's kind of sick and I've got to take him to the doctor now. Sorry to have to end the conversation early." Me: "Oh...OK then. Tell him to get better, alright?" Mom: "I will. And I hope you can finish the rest of your play alright." Me: "Oh, I'll be fine." Mom: "Okay. Bye then. Love you." Me: "See you." And my father was standing there with his chest and his arm hurting like crazy, having trouble breathing. My mom's talking to me and getting her things together at the same time; she didn't sound stressed at all. I'm telling you - I'm pretty good at what I do, but my mom's a freaking genius.

**Much of my childhood was spent keeping my parents suitably entertained so they wouldn't notice that I wasn't actually helping out around the house, so I've got a pretty good read on my dad's sense of humor.

***Mormon readers: feel free to pretend I just said "darn". "I just don't know if I'll ever get this darn thing done." Or flim-flammin', or whatever you prefer.

The Effects of Eating a Krispy Kreme Donut on Hypoglycemic Blogger Girls

So tired. So tired. I can't really...I can't really... What happened to two hours ago? I couldn't stop laughing. My roommate made fun of me. I kept flipping the blinds back and forth. Somehow I was dancing to Kelly Clarkson in my room. It was great. I even got some writing done, though I can't remember any of it now.

Words are hard. I seem to be wording the mixing up the. I swear I'm not high. Was that two hours ago? Or stoned. I'm not stoned. Just some low blood-sugar. Can't stop adding extra d's to every wordd. Good thing I've got a delete button.d My head kind of hurts. I'd been dso good. And then there they were. I put one in the microwave and then it just tasted so good. And now. And now. And now...I'm tired. I'm never writing when I'm like this again.

And yet I just really want another donut...

I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

" Remember the time you drove all night / Just to meet me in the morning? / And I thought it was strange you said everything changed / You felt as if you'd just woke up." - Bright Eyes (First Day of My Life)

As I was watching BYU's production of The Seagull last night (which was incredible by the way, and I officially heap praise upon all involved), I had a most interesting epiphany. Ever have that feeling like you don't know where you've been lately? It occurred to me that aside from a few notable incidents, I haven't really been where I was for most of this semester. I don't know where I've been going, but it's someplace else entirely. And now I think it's time to come back.

I have the most peculiar feeling, like I'm waking up even though I haven't really been asleep. I'm sitting here in my room, listening to an odd-yet-natural combination of Bright Eyes and Johnny Cash (the hopeful ends of both), and I think I might even be able to get back to really writing again. Which is good, because it turns out Eric is expecting those rewrites after all so he can hold auditions. And here I'd assumed we could both just forget about it and it'd be like the writer's block never happened. Shows what I know.

I suspect that my swearing habit is returning. This is slightly troubling, as my friend base is predominately comprised of conservative Mormons who I believe have a reasonable expectation not to hear unsavory language from the people they care about. I try to censor myself, but in order to do it faithfully (meaning you don't use substitute words when you really mean the real word) you have to reword entire sentences so that the bad words don't have a place anymore. And that's hard to do when you're really upset! On a related note, I wish more people used cool replacement expletives like "flim-flammin'," "consarn it," and "Laws!" How much more awesome would that be? "Zouterkins!" is so much cooler than "Darn!"

Salty language aside, November is already looking better than October. In the first two days I got to hang out with a really cool friend at a grocery store and then fulfill a life-long (okay, weeks-long) dream of playing the Beast from Beauty and the Beast in my stage combat class. Sword fighting + Beast growls + Ryan's Gaston voice = soooo sweet. AND I think the number of people from church who actually know that I exist is rapidly growing. This is good news, because for all that I've always said I'd choose invisibility for my super power, it turns out being invisible is not that great of a feeling. Oh! Oh! And after over two months in my care, I've finally given my Betta fish a name! I now call him Roger Dorsey, and if you know where I got that name from you're officially cool.

Here's a picture of him. He looks very little like the Roger Dorsey he's named after, but I like it anyway. I think it suits him. After cleaning his tank today, I've decided that I'm going to buy him an algae eater. He could do with a friend who'll clean up after him; a Felix Unger of his very own, if you like (I'm just full of extra textual references today!).

So, so far my grand awakening has led me to quote more Bright Eyes; swear a little less even though I want to swear a little more; impersonate a large, hairy man-beast; and give my fish a name. If that's not progress, then I don't know what is!

Update from the last post: I still haven't figured out how to draw Brenda, nor do I know how Chester will evolve from a cow, but I did draw some sweet-looking leaves with my oil pastels so I feel a little satisfied for now at least.